"Mommy, mommy look at this fish!!!" she exclaimed, as her pigtails bounced from side to side.
Tugging on her mother's sleeves, she persistently said again, 'Mommy, look! I really want for you to see this fish."
Her mother, not taking her eyes off of the shiny iPhone screen muttered, "In a minute. Just hang on."
Not to be deterred by her mother's focus on the task before her, the little girl waited a moment and continued to watch the fish, gazing at the tank as the little legs clad in pink tights swung back and forth on the chair.
She glanced up at her mother again, and seeing that surely a minute had passed she reached up to her mother's arm and declared, "Mommy, this fish. Look at this fish!"
"Mhmmm..." the woman replied and nodded her head, eyes still glued on the Facebook status she was reading.
The bright brown eyes looked down at the floor, downcast. Tilting her head up she said much more quietly, "Mommy, please look at me."
"Okay, okay!" she replied in a frustrated tone, and with one last scroll through the newsfeed, she turned her head to look at whatever it was that her daughter was so fascinated with.
"Oh no! Mommy, it went away. You missed it."
And with that, the mother sat down in the nearest chair and pulled the phone back out, compulsively drawn to whatever new the iPhone world might offer to entertain her.
Across the room, the girl went back to kicking her legs, bobbing her ponytail, and watching the fish.
All was right in her 5 year-old world, but a little wound had been placed on her heart just then, and she didn't even know it.
I have watched this scene unfold over and over in the past 7 months of working in a pediatricians' office. My desk is situated such that I can see the fish tank in the waiting room and hear most of the conversation that goes on. Most of the time, it's endearing and funny to watch parents interact with their children. Kids will start singing, talking, laughing, and I love listening to it.
But there are also moments when my heart hurts just watching. This scenario in particular often stops me in my tracks- where the iPhone (or any other handheld device) wins over the child. The heart message that was sent to that little 5 year-old is this: Your interests are petty and are not worth paying attention to. The world on my phone is more important to me than investing in you, your discoveries, and your growth.
Now, as a disclaimer: I am NOT saying that parents should dote on their children every second of the day. That creates spoiled children. And, I am also not a parent, so perhaps writing a blog post on parenting is foolish. But I want to try it anyways.
Everyday, I see parents sitting in the waiting room with eyes glued on their screen, whatever it may be. Children address them, "Mommy, mommy!" "Daddy, daddy!" and most of the time, the parent never lifts their head. A non-communicative sound is normally expressed, and maybe a nod, but usually the child gives up and goes to play by him or herself.
One of the things that Spencer and I both respect in great parents is their constant quest to make life a lesson. What I love to see are the parents who take their child by the hand and lean down to look at the fish. They "ooh and ahh" right along with their kids and teach them about the ocean. They explain that the little plants are called sea weed, that the big black sucker fish eats algea off of the glass so that the tank stays clean. This brief moment in the day affirms children in their interests, develops their mind, expands their understanding of the world, and grows the bond between parent and child.
Or the parent who, instead of responding to their child's question about the Peanut Allergy sign hanging in our waiting room with a brief, "It's an instruction sign," stoops down to read it out loud with their child, discuss what an allergy is, and what it might mean to people. I understand that this takes effort, energy, and time. I understand that by the end of the day, you may just want to lock yourself in a closet and take a nap. I get it. But our culture of parents are so focused on screens that we're missing valuable moments with our children.
One of the beautiful qualities of children is their excitement and awe at the simplest of things: an ice cream cone, a butterfly, or a fish. If that mother had seen the look of sheer joy and excitement at the sight of the yellow fish inside the tank, I don't think she would have been able to hold back a smile.
And you know what? This all reminds me of us and our Heavenly Father. Do you know how many times He says, "My daughter, my son- look! Look at my Creation, look what I have done for you. Would you please take your eyes off the worries of this world and look at ME?! I contain all the wonder, all the stability, all the peace you could ever ask for." So next time I see a parent ignoring their child to continue on in whatever phone activity they're doing, I remember that I am just as stubborn as them. My Father, my Savior, my Lord, my King is tugging on my sleeve asking me to follow Him, asking me to find peace and joy in His salvation, for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. But instead, I choose not to see the wonder. I choose not to accept the joy, and I continue on in my wordly pursuits, just as a parent chooses not to participate in their child's learning experience, chooses not to affirm the joy and excitement they've found in an ordinary thing.
I encourage you- take a moment and delight in your child today. Put your phone on silent, in a different room, and sit down and build a castle with legos, or an imaginary feast with play food. Delight in the simplicity of your child's soul and find joy in it. Look your child in the eyes and tell them you love them. You won't regret it.
